Sometimes we just have to call it for what it is. Living a life that feels aligned, fulfilled and with a touch of stretching outside of our comfort zone, can only truly be achieved by totally unf*cking ourselves. Or more simply, awakening to the ways that we get in our own way.
It is human nature to make meaning of situations, experiences, words and actions. We encounter life, which will evoke a feeling and spark an emotional response. We then proceed to make meaning (most of which is stored in the sub-conscious) about who we are. For the most part, the meaning we make is a survival mechanism. It is an innate response to ensure we remember how we felt at the time and do not re-enter the same territory.
This process is for positive and negative situations. We store them all and use the feelings and emotions to direct our path. But when is the last time an empowered, positive, confident feeling led you to a shitty outcome? When we feel good, when we are confident and comfortable with who we are, life usually draws pleasurable outcomes, or at the very least, we have better coping mechanisms when it doesn’t.
This is the true meaning of freedom in life and is the most essential requirement of shifting yourself out of situations that are damaging to the life outcomes you dream of. Whether it is a rich and fulfilling career, a loving and respectful relationship, an understanding and accepting family, trusting and honest friendships, the ability to speak your truth, the strength to walk your own path, you have to uncover the internal meanings you’ve made!
For the most part that process is not eloquent, it can be a messy deep-dive into the shadows that reside within. It is a trip down memory lane many probably choose to avoid. But unless you become deeply aware of how your past experiences can steer you off your true path, the cycle is sure to continue. It’s not the outside world that derails us, it is our inability to commit to the process of unf*cking ourselves that does the most damage.
Why? Why do so many people shy away, pretend like things are fine, or continue forcing situations to be something they are not? Why do so many people settle for overwhelm, for self loathe, for suppression and submissiveness? Why do people become exasperated and angry, short-tempered and resentful? Why do people not address what is truly going wrong? Mainly because
1) They don’t know how to unf*ck themselves. They don’t know the process of going deeper into their own story and addressing how the meanings they have made are contorting their life perceptions. The thought of backtracking through discomfort to ensure future comfort is not appealing and so it’s often put in the too hard basket. “I don’t know where to start” becomes the reason so many don’t.
2) Many have become so addicted to their shame and guilt and the safety it provides that deep down they are terrified of who they might be without it. We screw ourselves over by becoming comfortable with our dysfunction and blaming our circumstances. Change is unnerving BUT it is not impossible. It is a responsibility we must commit to if we are truly ready to change our situation.
3) When you are deep within the darkness the light can not be seen. When you are so accustomed to feeling trapped and overwhelmed by your situation, it is near impossible to imagine the lightness and sheer joy life has to offer. For some, it is impossible to believe that they could feel different or change their life outcomes. How does one believe in something that is not yet their reality?
It takes a brave campaigner to acknowledge that regardless of situation, we are indeed the biggest creator of our ongoing difficulty. Our outlook and perspective however, can be shifted and managed and nourished in a way that supports us to live a life of being unapologetically ourselves. That true freedom is manufactured within ourselves and life outcomes manifest from this state. Unless you’re willing to go into the depths with yourself, unless you are going to commit to your own unf*cking, the world will keep spinning and you’ll keep selling out.
No-ones coming to do our work for us. If we want different outcomes, if we want to be free to be ourselves, we have to take radical responsibility. You can’t want a different outcome but keep doing the same thing. Change comes from change. So are you taking radical self-responsibility? Are you committed to unf*cking yourself and creating NEW meaning and opportunities?