Why is it that even once we are adults, our parent’s opinions can carry so much weight?
The power of the parent relationship really can make or break a person’s spirit, even when we become old enough to know better. The desire to be loved, accepted and protected is a basic human need. The safe space that allows us to thrive, the safety net from a harsh and sometimes complicated world. The one relationship that should, above all else, offer unconditional love.
Yet in so many circumstances, it, in fact, can inadvertently stunt our growth. The desire for that love, that acceptance, that safety causes us to close in our world to ensure we are adhering to the invisible rules set before us. The rules, that are if nothing else, highlight the lack of unconditional love that is truly offered. For so many, as we age it becomes apparent that love is quite often very conditional.
In fact, I would argue there are very few relationships, indeed very few people, who truly know how to embody the essence of unconditional love. To love without condition. To love without expectation. To love another for just being 100% who they are. Our emotional survival is dependant on feeling as though we are enough. This one powerful aspect of our human existence means that we are so often placing our worth in the hands of others.
The world with all its varied people, perceptions, experiences, it can be a vortex of harsh learning at times. As we transcend into different situations, grow through our encounters and begin to awaken to the possibility that life as we imagined it is in fact quite different to that of which we are experiencing and yet if there was only one place to catch us when we fall, our parent’s arms, regardless of age, would be the safest space.
Our deepest vulnerabilities, our rawest wounds, the innocence within our heart, that in fact never ages. The voice that asks “Am I enough?” the voice that questions “Why am I not enough?” The heart that aches to be truly seen and accepted is that of a small, wee, child. The child who, without ever realising, was basing their WHOLE worth on how easily they attained unconditional love from their parents. How safe they felt within the parent-child relationship and how much they were required to earn it.
The hoops you jump through as an adult will be directly connected to what your inner child is still striving for. The cage you keep yourself in now is the one that you were placed in long ago. If you learned as a child that speaking up was not OK, you almost certainly choose not to rock the boat now. If you learned that staying in an unhappy marriage is just what you do, chances are you struggle to leave one without guilt. If you were constantly reminded how much better you could be, you will never be happy with your achievements.
The invisible chords that are attached between parent and child energetically, the patterned beliefs and behaviours, many of these are what lock adult people into the powerlessness of a child. The deeply entrenched desire to be accepted and protected by those who should be our safest allies is often counter-productive. To be rejected or abandoned by anyone is hard, but from family, well that’s just not conceivable to many. So the habit of swallowing our truth, suppressing our greatest needs and playing within the rules continues.
Until… we decide our own WORTH. Until we recognise and take control that even our parents do not have control over our path in life. That they have gifted us beautiful experiences that may lead to us not honouring ourselves but that this is an opportunity to start leaning in far more deeply to our inner child. To listen, to hear, to feel and to acknowledge those wounds. And by doing so, we come closer to seeing the wounds of our parents. That in knowing ourselves we can gain insight into them. That maybe just maybe, the path was always about breaking generational dysfunction and we are here to shine the light!!