My little family and I have made some massive changes to our lives over the past few years. In all honesty, the more I learn (through Human Design, Gene Keys and other tools of expansion) the more I can see it is super natural for me to become disinterested in ‘normal’ life. It is as if my soul can’t stand to be confined to familiarity for too long.
I really, always have ached for difference, for adventure, for stretch and discomfort… even when, quite frankly, I despise myself for the growing pains. And as I pondered this morning, with elements of our life still hugely disorientated, I realised that the angst of living the same way far outweighed the angst of transition. SO, what does this truly mean??
It means that for me, the feelings of despair for not trying something different, not following my heart, not trusting in myself, is far more constrictive than not trying at all. To sit in the safety of a good job, a nice house, familiar surroundings and known experiences, will in fact, as it did, reach a point where the safety feels claustrophobic!
Funnily enough, it is only now that my heart has felt safe to share this. Again this morning I realised maybe why… I stumbled upon a quote that read along the lines of “I often feel lonely because I am too weird for the normal people, and too normal for the weird people” and it was in this statement I felt the truth land for met!!
Much of what we have done in the past two years, including packing up and setting off around Australia before resettling 2 states away, doesn’t feel awfully normal nor does it feel that out there either. It depends on which camp you’re in really. For some, leaving EVERYTHING and EVERYONE we knew, was mildly crazy, for others it was gutsy and exciting.
This is the place of which i sit some days, lonely and somewhat perplexed. I guess I’m still searching for my normal, for my truth, for my own acceptance of the transient nature I feel within my bones. It’s as if I belong nowhere yet everywhere. I have no issue meeting people, creating opportunities and expanding into spaces I feel drawn to, yet there’s a part of me that seeks comfort in the safety of the known.
What if there is no normal? What if there is no way to live except the way you choose? What if it’s the expecations around you that extinguishes every little spark of uniqueness? And as the sun sits on my skin, I bless this mess and the wandering soul I have become.
Let your heart wander to wherever it wants to go. Let trust be your friend.